The first step in communicating effectively with your teen is
to pause by taking a deep breath in order to manage your own emotions
so that you don’t mirror his or her emotions. Listen to him or her.
To determine how to respond to your teen, first consider the
teen’s goal and then decide who owns the problem (your teen
owns the problem when this problem does not interfere with your
rights and responsibilities and does not involve the safety of
your teen or others).
Try to avoid letting your emotions or need for control lead you
to consequence or punish before you have truly listened.
Listening shows your teen that you care and helps him or her clarify
feelings and meanings.